Say please. Say thank you. When someone does something nice or well, compliment their efforts. Don’t be mean or rude and don’t be a bully. These are things most of us (hopefully) learn as children. Yet when we become adults, no one says thank you when you flush the toilet, clean the bath or do the dishes.
No one says thank you for going to work today and getting stuff done. No one says thank you for keeping it together. No clapping, no happy song and dance and wide-eyed fuss. Because you’re grown up, right? Right.
Adulting can be thankless
Grown-ups talk about should, must, more, better, perfect, neat, now, on time and never enough. Only the BIG promotions, deals, events or achievements are celebrated. The rest of the time, there is a mental bully that judges, criticizes, nags and accuses you in secret. When was the last time you thanked yourself? When was the last time you celebrated doing well in the little things?
We all know how the mental bully’s dialogue goes, so I am not going to grant it further satisfaction here. Instead, let’s read a more encouraging dialogue:
Away with the bully, welcome encourager!
Well done for getting the house clean. Well done for doing the grocery shopping within budget and leaving the cupcakes on the shelf. Thank you for running the errands this week. It is good that you value your health and take care of yourself. Keep going! Good work. A few errors are not the end of the world. You can still try again and ace it. Dishes and laundry done? You rock! Not done? You still rock. Dishes and laundry are not the only measure of a person’s life. Everything does not have to be perfect all the time!
Well done for holding your tongue during that tense/difficult/annoying argument. I know it’s really knuckle-whitening hard sometimes, but it will pay off when you’re calm. You are doing so great. You have good intentions and your heart is full of blessings for family and friends. Keep giving of yourself, of who you are – you are appreciated.
Even if the only things you managed today included eating, dressing, showering and showing up, you made a good choice for yourself. You don’t have to feel super wonderful or euphoric to notice something positive about that.
How is this for replacing the bully? Sound ridiculous? Fair enough, I don’t know the exact lingo in your head. Make it your own, try it out. Bullies don’t make good friends. And they lie.